I Cant, I Dont, and I Wont
Semantic Whiplash Apostrophes are under siege, autocorrect is drunk, and English contractions are staging a civil war. This post spirals through cant, dont, and wont—where...
The Showerless Saga
It began, as all great trials do, with optimism and a box labeled “Essentials” that contained neither towels nor emotional resilience. I had just moved...
Insomnia for Dummies
Semantic Whiplash A recursive dialogue between present and future selves spirals into algorithmic absurdity, insomnia-fueled banter, and surreal exception handling. Syntax drifts, logic loops, and...
The Myth of Art
Art Demystified Art doesn’t owe us spectacle. It doesn’t audition for applause or bend toward branding. This piece riffs on the myth of recognition, tracing...
Screwtape’s Guide to Conditional Repentance
Bureaucratic Satire In this tongue-in-cheek dispatch from the Lowerarchy, Screwtape offers Wormwood a masterclass in managing repentance, rationalizing pride, and keeping spiritual introspection safely inert....
Fuel as Food for Thought
Fueling Folklore We mythologize meals like they’re sacred rites, yet forget food is just fuel—ignored until the tank runs dry. This post riffs on our...
Ode to the Rational Curve
Mathematical Heresy In a bold act of mathematical satire, the Piker Consortium has declared pi to be round, rational, and rhetorically loud. This post explores...
The Silence of the Umpteenth Reboot
Analog Resurrection After countless reboots, BIOS toggles, and driver séances, I finally coaxed Synaptics HD Audio into acknowledging the existence of analog sound. This post...
Timekeeping in the Afterlife
Temporal Theology Looking for answers that bend time, faith, and formatting? This FAQ explores why Heaven refuses to observe Daylight Savings, offering metaphysical mischief, bureaucratic...
Diary of a Sentient Jukebox
Emotional Firmware Somewhere between nostalgia and corrupted memory, a jukebox begins to think. This post is its diary—looping through longing, remixing regret, and humming softly...